Are you still hiding?

I still remember when I didn’t like my toes. No matter what I did, you could not catch me in open shoes whether they were painted or not. I used to look at my feet and wonder why I had such ugly and huge feet. In the house, I always had socks on and they came off when I went to bed. At the time I knew I was insecure about them but couldn’t seem to shake it off.

Was I on my feet? There’s this thing I call my nose. I always felt it was too big on my face. If I could have, I would never have shown my face in public. The feeling was stronger anytime I encountered a mirror, I always felt so bad and ugly.

These body parts of mine are probably still huge, I don’t know though. I’ve become so comfortable with them, that I couldn’t care if they grew into a Pinocchio nose or a big foot. These traits and their symbolism represented bigger and deeper issues but I’ve come to embrace them as a part of myself and learnt to utilize them.

To overcome these insecurities, I had to dig deep and find their source. Fun fact, very few people knew of these insecurities and if they did, they showed no indication. Another thing is that their origin was from people who are very close to me. They were my friends and family whom I grew up with.

When we are young, we are vulnerable and susceptible to our environment. The words we are told stick with us for a long time. I didn’t realize that my self-consciousness was a result of things I’d been told when I was younger. They had a huge impact on my self-confidence until I learnt to silence those voices.

The voices had to be silenced by a louder and more positive message to get me out of my head. Throughout the years, I have learnt that your mind could be your worst enemy if you don’t have control of it. It replays the things you hear in a loop and if you don’t direct your thoughts, they can consume you.

In everyday life, there will always be a source of insecurity. There are always things that could be better. I have compared myself so much to those I deemed better than me, I got tired of my shit. I recognized that life passed me by when I did not believe in myself.

I hid so much that when I unveiled myself, I didn’t recognize myself. I had to take a step back and learn about myself. I had to take time and reacquaint me with me and ensure what I liked was for the right reasons and not hearsay.

I was hiding and in denial. Doing things to please others, is a trait that I had not recognized before. The fact of life that I came to recognize is that no one can save you but yourself. Everyone knows this and they say it. They just don’t understand how deep the rabbit hole the sentiment goes.

We hide to the point that we hide from ourselves. This I read, was akin to the ostrich burying its head in the sand. In the end, you either find yourself or we find you. If we do, I promise, it’s not a pleasant feeling. It’s an invasion like no other. I would not wish the feeling on my worst enemy (p.s. I don’t have any enemies.)

It may seem out of this world but impossible is nothing. Dig deep, root out your true self and direct your life!